I try so hard to be a positive person.
And I say try because often I do think it's a choice to be happy and positive. We can choose to focus on the good or focus on the bad. We can choose to let little annoyances get us down. We can choose to focus on the gifts and joy in our lives. We can count our blessings.
But sometimes negative thoughts just seem to creep up on me when I'm not even aware.
Sometimes those gifts and joys are hard to remember and keep in the front of our minds.
After a long week with lots of little (and some not so little annoyances) creeping up on me I found myself getting into the shower this morning thinking "Ugh! My life sucks! Can it get any worse?"
Of course my life does not suck and yep it could get a whole lot worse. I am tired and cranky and worried and realized I was headed straight towards a pity party.
- I have been battling an awful spring cold (or allergy flare up; I'm not really sure because I'm not as good at taking my allergy medicine as I should be). So I feel achy and blah!
- I can't sleep at night since I'm all stuffed up and I end up being up late and waking early. So I am tired; so very tired.
- Today I was woken up at 2:30 AM... at first I thought it was just my cold and inability to breathe but then I heard this weird plopping sound coming from out in the hallway. I kept thinking it sounded like water dripping but it wasn't raining and it was coming from the HALLWAY.... I finally got up to investigate and found water all down the hall. We have a geothermal heating unit in our attic and it had sprung a leak in the middle of the night. We had a soaking wet ceiling and puddles on our hardwood floors. I am tired because I started my day at 2:30 and I am worried over what the long term repair costs will be.
- Our cat has been to the vet twice in the past month and is still looking quite sickly; I'm worried about having to catch him, bring him again, and spending even more money on him.
- My oldest son has poison ivy that keeps spreading despite my having washed everything I can possibly think of. I'm wondering at what point I'll have to take him to the doctor and worried it will spread to his face and eyes.
- My car is making a horrible noise and we think it needs some repair work. We know this is the first sign that we need to start preparing to replace it. I am worried about my car breaking down when I'm out on the road and the cost of replacing/repairing it.
- I have been exercising for two weeks straight and still somehow managed to put on ANOTHER 2 pounds. I'm trying to loose weight and it's so hard not to want to throw in the towel. I'm sick of feeling down about how I look and how my clothes feel.
So yeah, not an ideal week but it could be worse.
I just had to reverse my thinking and keep reminding myself of all the positive things in my life. Of all the ways I am blessed and put what I was dealing with into perspective.
Luckily I have one of those husbands who has got mad skills and even though it was 2:30 in the morning he was able to fix our heat pump and soak up most of the water. We know it's not a final fix and we'll have to do some more long term repairs but meanwhile we have working heat/AC and no more leaking mess. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, knowledgeable husband who always manages to come to our rescue. His skills help keep all our repair costs down; car included.
While I may have been griping about home ownership and all the stress that comes with owning a home I know I am so lucky to have a home; and a nice home at that!
Luckily we have a savings account and while I am worried about dipping into it to pay for everything we listed above we do have some money set aside for repairs and unexpected expenses so this is not catastrophic. We are so fortunate.
I have three happy mostly healthy boys. Even though Ian has spots of poison ivy all over his legs, arms and belly he assures me that the rash is not itchy and he's not in any discomfort. For that I am grateful.
While I do not enjoy being sick, this will pass and I am thankful that I do not suffer from any chronic illnesses or bouts of pain.
While our cat may not be the healthiest right now he has lived a nice long life and the vet does not seem at all concerned that he's nearing the end of his life. It may not be fun to catch him and bring him to the vet but it's a small price to pay for the happy smiles of the family when the cat is around.
I may not love the way my clothes fit, but I still have clothes to wear. I may hate working out and trying to change the numbers on the scale but at least my husband still finds me attractive. I am able to work out and I CAN change as long as I keep working at it and commit to making lifelong changes in my lifestyle.
I decided to go even further and remind myself:
- Feeling sick and miserable this weeks means I'm usually healthy and well! Many people can not count their health as a blessing.
- Having a home to repair means I have a home and nice warm roof over my head. Many people in this world do not have a home to go home to.
- A car that needs repairs is better than having no car.
- Needing to loose weight means I have food to eat.
- If my biggest worry for my kids right now is a rash I am so lucky that they are so healthy! I am so lucky to have a family and friends. Worrying about those we love is just part of life and I am lucky my life is so full of wonderful people.
- If I am tired today that just means I know what it feels like to be so well rested. I am so lucky to have a warm, soft, comfortable bed.
I can't say these reminders turned my negative attitude right around and made me the happiest person today but they sure went along way to reminding myself just how lucky I am to have all that I do in my life.