Friday, February 6, 2015

Letting Them Go

I found that a family member needed a lot of shoveling done and after talking to both my husband and Ian, I volunteered Ian for the job.  It's never easy letting them go; I hemmed and hawed and worried.

Ian was thrilled and asked me a million times when I was going to be dropping him off.  Yeah, I was stunned.  I was dropping him off across town to shovel and leaving him with my cell phone.  He was going to call when he was finished shoveling.  I was nervous thinking that he'd re-think his plan as I was driving away but he seemed fairly confident.




As a mom I find I worry no matter what:


  •  I worried that he was going to be freezing while he worked.


  • I worried that he would work so hard he'd work up a sweat and then his sweat would make him cold.


  • I worried that the work might be to hard for him; the snow had all frozen overnight and it was no longer easy to move or lift.


  • I worried he would start to panic and feel abandoned as often happens when he agrees to something only to realize it didn't live up to his expectations later.
  • I worried something would happen and he would need help but would not have anyone around to help. 


I worried a little bit less once I realized he wasn't alone and that there was an adult at home working inside the house but still I find the worry just doesn't ever go away completely.

I find the hardest part of motherhood is letting them go.

I know that's my job.  I'm supposed to prepare them to be on their own but these small steps along the way are never something I'm totally prepared for.  I always think I am but can't seem to help having all these niggling doubts surfacing as I walk or drive away.  Of course the sense of accomplishment when I pick him up makes all the worry worth it and then I'm a little less worried next time.

 A little.

After dropping Ian off, I found myself watching the clock-- a lot!  After and hour and a half the worrying might have been a bit more pronounced.  But I just kept reminding myself he had a cell phone, he's a good worker, and he's not shy.  If he needs help he'll find it or he'll ask for it.
 
He finally called to let us know he was done and where to pick him up.  He was filled with stories about his job and wanted to show me what he had done.  He had stopped shoveling long enough to have hot cocoa and visit with family.

He was proud of all the money he had made and all the hard work he had done.

While our day went nothing like I had planned, it was a good day and both Ian and I made some steps towards his independence.   

No comments :

Post a Comment